I have had a very long internal debate whether or not to
blog about this and I obviously have come to the conclusion that it’s time to
get some things off of my chest. So please. Stick with me through this post…and
I promise a little light at the end of the tunnel. :)
I have
not always been the most confrontational human being. Since I can remember I
let people, more specifically my “friends”, walk all over me. I have never been
the girl to stand up for herself…and I am thoroughly embarrassed by that. I was
mistreated to a point of it being borderline bullying throughout the majority
of my school years. But I never saw it that way. I live to see the good in
people. I want to see people the way my Father in Heaven sees them…and it’s
always been a quality I have liked about myself. I have the ability to forgive
anybody and everybody…no matter what they have said or done to me or those around
me. Some people think it’s a weakness…I like to believe it is a strength. But I
think it’s time for me to start standing up for myself. That doesn’t mean that
I won’t forgive…or be a different Haley. But there are some things I would like
to get off my chest and that I need to say. SO here we go.
I
graduated high school a year early for a lot of varying factors. I am a smart
girl but I haven’t been the most dedicated student in my academic career. I
hated school because I didn’t do well…but by my own choices…and I hated school
because I felt like I didn’t fit in with the kids my age. All of my friends,
with the great exception of a select few, were either older or younger than I
was. Never the same age. And that never bothered me…until I was a Jr and all of
my senior friends were graduating and moving on. If you were to ask me in those
moments what my thoughts were towards my friends I would have told you I had
found the friends I would have forever…sadly I now see that is not the case at
all. Now I will be the first to admit, I am as imperfect as they come. I have
said and done things to hurt my friends, my family, and I would even assume people
I do not even know. I AM NOT PERFECT. I am not pointing fingers. But the
friends I had, for the most part, weren’t helping me become a better person. So
in the long run…graduating early was good. Because that meant instead of
enjoying a senior year with the rest of my age group I was able to move out and
go to Southern Utah University. Which leads me to the next phase.
When I
moved away I didn’t expect to have as hard of a time as I did being away from
my family. Granted, I have my sister in cedar city but she had recently gotten
married and I never wanted to intrude. Luckily for me I met some of the most
incredible people on the planet and they took me in and became my friends.
These few friends started to help me see that who I was in high school and the
person that I really am are two different people. And I could not be more grateful
to them. These people, and they definitely know who they are, will be in my
life forever. And for that I am beyond happy about. In all the hustle and
bustle of discovering who I am it also lead to a lot of changes in my major. I
moved home for the summer sure I was set on being an English Major and was
excited for the fall… and then I went to the homecoming talk of Daniel Grimm.
And things started to change pretty fast.
I have
known my husband for the majority of my life. He has been in my life longer
than he hasn’t been…which is pretty cool if you ask me. But because of this…we
didn’t have to get to know each other really at all. We simple had a few years
to catch up on. And a month after starting to date we were engaged and two
months later we were married. Talk about a whirlwind. And 3 months later I get
pregnant. Again...fast. And now I get to my point.
I have
made a lot of very personal decisions in my life that the people around me do
not like. Whether we went to elementary school, Jr high, high school, or
college together; whether we were in the same ward or lived in the same neighborhood…if
you don’t like the choices I am making that is really too dang bad for you. I
got married at 18, I will be having my first baby at 19 and possibly on my one
year wedding anniversary with my husband who I dated for 30 days. You don’t
like that? That really sucks. I am absolutely sick and tired of the judgment,
the comments and the things gossiped behind closed doors. It hurts. Everything
negative you say gets back to the person you say it about. And I am done with
it slowly breaking my heart. I am done blaming myself for all of the people who
do not like me. IM DONE. So if you are one of those people, I am asking you to
please butt out of my business. Stop acting like you care because you want to
know more about my life, my marriage or my pregnancy. I may be young, but I am
a very smart and capable girl…and the decisions Daniel and I make do not
include you. So please. Leave my family alone. Leave me alone. I have always taken pride in being a good
friend… I don’t think that is too much to ask in return.
There is
also the complete opposite of this, there are those who have been nothing but
supportive, kind, constant, and good friends. And to you I say thank you. I
have always been a pretty independent girl who knows what she wants. I am just
finally doing whatever it takes to find happiness for myself and my little
family. And your support means the world to me. Thank you for being a good
friend. I love you, and I hope if you’re one of the people that has supported
me, whether near or far, you know that.
I
promise I am now off of my soap box, thank you for bearing with me :) I
promised light at the end of the tunnel so here it is! A baby Grimm update!!
Baby Grimm is growing like a weed!! The little monkey is just about fully
developed in the sense of having all of its major body parts…and now we just
have to wait for the little guy to get bigger! We will be finding out what
gender the baby is within the next month or so, so be looking forward for the
gender reveal! We are SO excited for this little one. I already love it to
pieces :) So, person reading this, I hope that you know I appreciate your
support. You’re probably super great and I like that about you. Until next
time!
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| This baby is already adorable. Just look at it. |
