2 Years A Grimm - Our Love Story

As I sit here and contemplate the last two years of my life I can’t help but chuckle. If you had told me that this would be my life 2 years ago, as I sat in my bed anxiously waiting the morning that I would be sealed to my handsome man for time and all eternity, I would have laughed at you, but I wouldn’t change a single thing.

I couldn’t sleep November 29^th, 2013. I was beaming thinking about the adventure I was about to begin; nervous, anxious, excited, and scared all at the same time. I had the dress, the flowers, the venue, and the man…all that was left was the marriage part! Marrying Daniel was the best decision I ever made. I am so glad I went to his homecoming talk that July morning because it was in that moment that I knew I would be his wife.

Our love story is a funny one, and it’s really not too long. Since I have known my Daniel since I was 5 and he was 8 we really didn’t have to date too long. When people found out we dated for only a month we got a lot of judgment. But what people don’t know is that I have known the Grimm family, and have considered them my family, since I was little. They know things about me I am sure a lot of my friends wouldn’t want their in-laws to know ;) I have loved them since I was a little girl, Daniel included, and so it wasn’t too shocking that we fell in love so fast.

I have always been determined to get what I want – this may sound a bit pretentious, but I am stubborn. When I saw Daniel for the first time in years and was instantly attracted to him, I knew I would have my work cut out for me. Because Daniel is such a hunk, I knew I would have some fierce competition. 4 weeks later, when I finally moved down to school, much to my dismay Daniel was indeed chatting with a girl and he seemed to have really liked her. I was distraught. Daniel was everything I ever wanted and it broke my heart that another girl had beaten me to it. Luckily, my mom was there to support me in my endeavors and, like she always does, told me to not give up. So I didn’t! I figured if my charm, dashing good looks, and outstanding humor couldn’t win him over then I could certainly do better. Luckily for me, he liked what he saw!

We hung out as friends and the conversation flowed and was never awkward. The more time I spent with Daniel, the more I was sure he was the perfect guy for me. He made me laugh, he listened to me, and I felt important when I was with him. I never questioned why he would want to talk to me or be around me. He made me feel special and truly without effort. I was falling in love with him and it had only been a few days reconnected.

After about a week of flirting, and hanging out as friends, we were getting close. We were constantly together or talking, and would laugh until the early hours of the morning. One night after spending time with some friends, we decided to do our own thing. I am so glad Daniel wanted to watch a movie together that night. It would be the night I would have my very last first kiss.

The rest is truly history. We kissed and it was full speed ahead. When he kissed me that first time I knew I never wanted to kiss anybody else. He was the one, and I kept getting reassurances of that fact. We spent every waking moment together and fell in love in a whirlwind. 2 weeks into dating we were saying I love you and talking about marriage. I felt insane, truly insane, with how in love I was with him. But it was mutual and it was right.

The typical ring shopping and wedding date discussions started and one thing lead to another – November 30^th became the day we would be married! It was only 2 months away and we had to get moving. Daniel popped the question September 28^th at the Bountiful temple making that day one of the very best of my entire life. Planning took priority, stress took over, and we couldn’t make time go faster. Which brings us back to November 29^th, 2013, with me sitting in my bed trying to picture the life I was about to begin with the man I love so deeply. Here I am, 2 years later, sitting with my best friend and love in our apartment, cuddling on the sofa, watching our daughter sleep on the monitor. I love my life. I wouldn’t change a single moment with my Daniel for anything.

Daniel is everything I could have ever hoped for and so much more. I truly am married to one of the best out there. There is not a more understanding, kind, supportive, funny, loving man out there. Daniel John Grimm, I love you more than words could ever express, I care for you deeper than I understand, and you mean more to me than you’ll ever know. Happy 2 years my sweetheart! I look forward to an eternity more!

"I'm Ugly and I'm Proud"

Why are we so embarrassed by the things that make us who we are?? 

I've thought about this a lot lately. There's a SpongeBob episode that my best friend through high school showed me (I never had an interest in that show growing up...) and I don't remember the details, but SpongeBob wants to know why people aren't hanging out around him or whatever and Patrick goes "maybe it's because you're ugly." And this whole episode Patrick gets SpongeBob to yell at the top of his lungs that he is ugly and he is proud! Don't get me wrong, this made me laugh. The utter stupidity and ridiculousness hit my funny bone. But as silly as it may be, maybe that stupid starfish is onto something genius.
After I had Adelaide, I got hit with the baby blues. Postpartum depression happens to a lot of mommies and it escalated some issues I had previously had. I have never liked confrontation, huge crowds, or feeling like I'm not liked. I don't like it when plans change last minute and if more people show up than I was told? Shoot. That's bad. Sometimes I sit in bed and just sob. Why? I don't know. I hate being late and I don't "go with the flow" - I always thought these were just weirdo quirks I had. They made me who I was, whether or not that was good or bad. Well PPD, being a mom, and a 3 hour conversation with my husband driving back from southern utah...I found myself making a doctors appointment.
I went to this appointment in absolute TEARS. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and quite frankly terrified. After telling my doctor everything, having him ask me a couple questions, and having a nice chat, my genuine fears became reality. "Haley, I think you may have severe anxiety."
Ok at this point you're thinking "ok...? And??" Well. This is embarrassing to admit but honestly I viewed mental illness as strictly for crazy people and I am not crazy! (I'm a little crazy...)
That's horrible, I know. But I wasn't educated. I didn't realize that mental illness didn't mean psychopath. I knew that anxiety, depression, bipolar, etc. were more common than I even realized but I was scared to be viewed differently. There was yet another thing "wrong with me" and I hated that.
After being put on medication and being advised to seek therapy, it all became real. My parents knew, my husband knew, and my best friend knew about this and that was it. Things started making sense as to why I did things certain ways and reacted the way I did. The medication started kicking in and Daniel got his wife back (finally!) and I started to feel like myself again. But I was still embarrassed. But why??
Anxiety is really nothing major in my case. Yeah, I struggle with it. Yes, I have to learn to deal and cope with certain things. But it's part of who I am. It doesn't mean somethings "wrong" with me or that I'm "broken" it's just something I have to deal with. Everybody has crap they have to deal with. So why am I freaking out over this??
I've come to the conclusion that society wants us to be perfect, beautiful, and put together constantly. I am so far from Perfect, beautiful, and put together it's actually funny. I think I wear sweatpants and my hair on top of my head more than I wear real clothes and get ready. I honestly think some of my classmates believe I don't own any real pants and/or shower ever.... sometimes when we hit road blocks we think it's the end of the world. Well I am here to tell you that it isn't. Wear your crazy with pride because guess what?? Everybody has a little bit. Whether you're too emotional, an emotional robot, have a mental or any other illness, or insecurities in general. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. People aren't always going to like you. Some people are going to like you too much. But as long as you love you, you know that your family loves you, and know that God loves you, then you're doing ok! So the next time you're embarrassed by the things that make you YOU, just remember Patrick's advice. I'm ugly, and I'm proud.

Here's Why We Don't Talk Anymore.

A consequence, whether it is good or bad, of living in Davis county is running into a lot of people I know.  I have said it before and I will say it again…high school wasn’t my favorite era of life. I went through a lot of crap and honestly, I wouldn’t go back for a million dollars. With that being said, I do have a lot of people I hold near and dear to my heart from that time of my life. Some of, in fact I would say a good handful, of my closest and best friends are from my high school years. But after going to such a huge school, there are plenty of people I wouldn’t even consider acquaintances, and with good reason. But the problem with me is that I am a people pleaser. I do not like being disliked. To go even further, I love to be liked! I find myself to be a likable human being. Am I perfect? Gosh no. I am not perfect in any way, shape or form. I make personal mistakes, I make marital mistakes, mommy mistakes, and mistakes in my friendships. I just make lots of mistakes, but that is what makes me human. And, like most humans, I tend to overthink, overanalyze, and stress out about these things, and honestly? It’s pretty exhausting. So when I run into (hardly) acquaintances from high school and they say things to me like, “why haven’t we talked?!” or “How come we never get together?!” there’s probably a reason we don’t. And here it is. I am done putting effort into relationships and being the only one to do so. Let me elaborate.

Once upon a time, not all that long ago, I was in a very one-sided friendship. I put in all the effort. I always seemed to be apologizing for my downfalls, making up for my mistakes, and giving 110% when this other individual gave none. Because it’s not really a secret I crave acceptance, this person used that to their advantage. I wasn’t really aware of this problem…but everyone around me was. My parents, siblings, and friends warned me over and over again about this pretty harmful situation but I would have none of it. Eventually the friendship ended over time and I look back now and I see how harmful this was to my self-esteem. I never felt good enough. I always questioned why this person even talked to me, let alone was my friend. And I doubted my relationships with those around me because of it. I left that friendship damage me a little bit and that made me pretty mad. When I got married to my sweetheart, and found in him the best friend I could have ever asked for, he helped me realize that the people I wanted in my life would be in it just as seriously as I was. They would text, call, and put in the effort to see and talk to me. And those that didn’t, well they didn’t deserve to be around me.

I also want to point out that just because we don’t talk every single day doesn’t mean our friendship isn’t strong, or great. A sign of a great friendship is going periods of time without talking, because let’s be real life is crazy, and still being able to pick up where you left off. I am lucky to have so many of those friends in my life. But again, the effort is mutual. Not one sided. Are you seeing a pattern yet?

I don’t want to come off as a snot, or as thinking I am high and mighty. I most definitely am not. But when it comes to the relationships in my life? I take those pretty seriously. If I put effort into our relationship, it’s because I genuinely want you to be in my life. I want you to know my family, hear of my accomplishments, help me through my trials. I make the effort because I love you. Haven’t heard from me in a while? Shoot me a text, call me, or send me a facebook message! If you hear back from me, that’s generally a good sign, ;)

I have been blessed with an incredible group of friends that love me just as much as I love them. I have surrounded myself, finally, with people who want me in their lives too. And it’s pretty nice. It may have taken me a while, but I am done being taken advantage of. And it’s a pretty great feeling.

Stay True to Who You Are

I have never been good at keeping my opinions to myself, but I am also a wimp so that's contradicting. and I know this isn't generally the type of thing I blog about, but I just need to get some things out of my head. So please don't get offended, be rude or hateful, or start a debate, I just wanted to share my thoughts. (More for my sanity than anything ;) ) 

I am a 20 year old, full time college student, a wife, a mom. I'm a friend, a daughter, and a sister. I'm an avid Netflixer and I wish I had more time to read. And I'm a Mormon. Does any of this make me better than you? Or anybody? No. Not at all. Nor do I think I am better than anybody else. But I know who I am. I know what I believe. And I think it's pretty cool that I can have a different opinion than my friend, or neighbor, or family member. That's a freedom I think we take for granted. With everything that's going on in the world right now, and allllll over my Facebook page, it breaks my heart a little bit to see that there are so many people that, if you don't agree with them, they judge you. They call you out, call you names like "bigot" and "hateful" and "unaccepting", they try to change your opinion, and all for what?? Just because what I believe is different from others doesn't mean I love them any less, does it?? The great thing about being an individual is being able to have our own thoughts and feelings! I personally hate hate hate asparagus. It doesn't matter how it's prepared, or how many times my mom tries to try to remind me that I actually do like it, I really do not like asparagus. Does that mean that because Daniel does like it that we can't be in love anymore?? Does that mean I think he is a bad person?? No!! I still adore him! I may not understand why the crap he likes asparagus, of all foods, but that's his deal. If he wants to eat it, be my guest! But guess what?? He isn't trying to shove it down my throat and tell me I'm wrong or a bad person because I don't like it. So do you get what I'm saying here?? 

A friend of mine and I were recently texting about this. He said something along the lines of how can we preach equality when we hold other people above us?? He asked what makes Taylor swifts talents, life, and being in general of more worth than his? Who decides that? And how can we all be equal if we don't hold everybody to the same standard? Now I'm just ranting, but these things are truly thought provoking.

I guess all I'm saying here is that because we live in America you are more than welcome to express your views, beliefs, opinions, feelings, etc. however you please. But just because somebody feels differently than you doesn't make them wrong. So the next time you want to write a comment on a Facebook post, send a strongly worded text, or get into a heated discussion remember the simple truth: you aren't going to change somebody's opinions or beliefs just because you don't agree with, or like them. I am a strong advocate to sticking to what you know, staying true to who you are, and believing in whatever and however you may. Just don't try to change other people, and stop being mad that people are different than you. And for the love of all things good and holy, let's all just stop apologizing for being different! Because guess what?? That's what makes being human so cool. 

20 Things I Learned By Age 20

So my 20^th birthday has come and gone and it was a pretty great day. I think it’s a bit of an understatement to say that I like my birthday. It was a great day surrounded by great people. And boy am I glad to no longer be 19! But with my birthday came a lot of thinking about the last 20 years of my life. Who I have become, the things I have done, the lessons I have learned, and the people who have touched my heart and made me who I am. So I decided to make a list of 20 things I learned by the time I turned 20. So here goes nothing!

1. I am just fine the way I am. I always focus so much on what others think about me when, in reality, it honestly doesn't matter. I like who I am, my husband likes who I am, my friends like who I am, and I like to think my Heavenly Father and Savior like who I am. And that is good enough for me! 

2. High school never ends. You may graduate, put your stupid tassel on your rear view mirror in your car, and go off to college...but high school mentality stays with a lot of people way past high school.

3. Just because high school mentality is around you, doesn't mean you have to have it too. I HATED high school, and for a good reason, and I couldn't have been more ready to be done. But I went off to school and made friends who were just as petty and dramatic as they were their sophomore year of high school. But just because they were like that didn't mean I had to be.

4. Not everybody is going to like me. And that's ok. This one was EXTREMELY hard for me. I love people. I want everybody to like me! But unfortunately, not everybody does. In fact, it's a pretty big number of people who don't like me. And honestly? I'm ok with that. I like me, my husband likes me, my family likes me, and my Heavenly Father likes me. And that is what matters most.

5. Everyone has trials. And just because they are different than yours doesn't mean they are any better or any harder. We are given exactly what's going to help us grow to be the people our father in heaven knows we have the potential to be!

6. Disagreeing is natural...and healthy! I always was so scared when Daniel and I were first dating to have a different opinion than him. And now that we are married and have miss Adelaide, we disagree a lot more than we used to. But that's ok. We were raised differently and so we have different views and opinions on how things should be handled. But it gives us the opportunity to grow together and find a new happy medium in our marriage for our little family.

7. Daniel looks real good in basketball shorts. This is a fact.

8. Being a mom is hard. Growing up you always think your mom is insane when she says things like "you don't understand and you won't until you're a mom" and when my mom would say that to me it drove me NUTS. But it's so true. My friends even can't relate to me because they just don't understand what being a mom is like. It's the hardest thing I've ever done.

9. Being a mom is rewarding. It's hard? Of course! But it is so worth it. I get so frustrated because Addie will be sound asleep in our arms at 10:30 and then the second we out her in her bed, she's wide awake and SCREAMING. I get so angry and frustrated With the situation, but then she looks up at me with those big blue eyes and she smiles at me and recognizes me as her mommy and it melts my heart and makes it all worth it. There's nothing better.

10. Real friends are important. I spent a lot of my school life being friends with people who couldn't give a crap about me, and it always boggled my mind when we would have a falling out. But now that I'm older and I have some of the best friends in the entire world, I understand now why things didn't work with those people.

11. It's ok to let your guard down. I recently had an experience that really hurt my feelings pretty good and I told my mom I never would get close to anyone ever again. It's possible i was being a smidge dramatic, but that's genuinely how I felt. My trust had been broken and I got very hurt. But only a few weeks later I made a great new girlfriend who I adore. And if I had kept my guard up and been standoffish towards her, we wouldn't have become friends.

12. People (have the potential to) suck. Not much else needs to be said about this.

13. Everyone has an opinion and guess what? You're entitled to it. This is a big one once you move out and especially when you get married and have kids. I can't even tell you how many different people, some who I don't even know, have told me how to raise my daughter. And just because they think they know what's best doesn't mean you have to listen to them or do what they say.

14. Family is important. My family, just like any other, has its unique little dysfunctions and problems, but at the end of the day we are pretty great. I've got sisters who are some of my best friends, brothers who I know love and support me, and incredible parents who would do just about anything for me. I've also got my amazing Grimm family who treats me just as well and loves me just as much as my own. Family is so important. And just because you might be a little strange doesn't mean you aren't fabulous.

15. It's ok to be a little weird. Daniel and I like to run errands together and something Daniel does WITHOUT FAIL...is dance in any and every store we go into. And my husband is a terrible dancer! It embarrasses the crap out of me and I always beg him to stop, but generally he doesn't. And I think secretly I don't mind it. He may be one of the weirdest people I've ever met, but he compliments how weird I am too. We are able to laugh with, and at, each other all the time and I think that's pretty great :)

16. Materialistic things and places won't make you happy. When we were living in Cedar city, we were broke as a joke, newly married, I was pretty depressed and surprise! I was making an unplanned person. I didn't think life could suck any more than it did. And I told Daniel "if we move back to Northern Utah, then I'll be happy" and so we packed up out tiny apartment and we moved! Spoiler alert. Our location wasn't the problem. I was so fixated on the fact that we were so disgustingly poor, I was extremely hormonal, and adjusting to a new lifestyle. It had absolutely noting to do with where we lived. I think happiness is something we can control. If you wake up wanting to have a good day the odds are you'll have a good day! I think the only exception to this statement is that there is one place you can go to make you happy. Disneyland. Just kidding (kind) I think attending the temple can make a person pretty dang happy :)

17. The gospel is vital. I have never been so sure of something in my life. Without the Church, I don't know what my life would be. It scares me to imagine a life without the truthfulness of the gospel. And because we have the truth, we should share it! Why not give the insane happiness we have to everybody around us?

18. Beauty isn't defined by what size jeans you wear. Holy. This one I still struggle with on occasion. If you've had a baby, then you know how I feel. Every girl I've ever met talks about how excited they are to be pregnant because they think having a bump will be fun. Don't get me wrong, it does have its perks, but post baby belly is not so fun. I would get out of the shower and for weeks after Addie was born just cry at my reflection. I felt gross and unattractive. I would apologize to my husband for not having the figure I had when we first got married. I would cry when my clothes just didn't fit. And finally Daniel drilled into me that I was still beautiful to him. That just because my tummy has stretch marks now and the skin is loose doesn't make me any less attractive to him. And oh how important that was for me to hear!

19. Life is really hard. We are tried and tested and our tempers get the best of us sometimes. It's just how it's supposed to be. Life was not meant to be easy.

20. Life is so good. Even though we have trials and struggles, we also have more blessings than we can count!

I am so insanely blessed with the life I have. I have an awesome husband who I love and adore, a beautiful baby who I'm convinced makes the world spin, loving friends, a supportive family, and so much more. I can't wait to see what the next twenty years have in store for me!