The Truth About Being a Mom

Haley, are you just loving being a mom?!

I've been asked this probably a million times since having my baby, and I have answered yes almost every single time. Almost. Until my mom asked me. And I just stared at her. I hesitated. I didn't want to say yes but I couldn't say no.

Does that make me a bad mom? Maybe you think so. But let me tell you why I struggle with that question.

The moment I found out I was pregnant was one of the best of my life. I've always known I wanted to be a mommy. My husband knew that I wanted kids fast and after a fair amount of convincing it was the right thing for us, I was seeing the beautiful two lines telling me I would be a mommy very soon. I remember going in to confirm my pregnancy and get my estimated due date at 7 weeks pregnant and thinking "NOVEMBER?! that's forever away!!" And then I was finding out Addie was a girl. And then I was feeling her kick. And then, before I knew it, I was being driven to LDS hospital on November 15th to give birth. It never really hit me until I was driving home with my newborn baby girl that I was now completely responsible for this little angel who is 100 percent dependent on her father and myself. Want to talk about a reality check? Have a baby.

It probably sounds like I hate being a mom, or that I don't love and adore my child with every part of my soul. That isn't the case at all. The second I heard Addie cry...I've never felt so much love in my life. Having my daughter placed on my chest for the first time is when I've felt closest to my husband and to God in my life. Let me make one thing very clear: I love my daughter. She is my world. I stay up late and hold her and just stare at her never wanting to forget how tiny she is in my arms. I hold her extra tight when I hear of children who suffer. I cry when she doesn't feel well. Heck, I cry just thinking about how much I love her. I want the world and so much more for her.

As I was lying in bed a few nights ago at 8:30, completely exhausted and down on my luck from having no sleep (to be expected) and a sick and very unhappy baby, I had a million things running through my mind. Daniel and I said our nightly prayer together and as soon as I said "amen" Daniel was snoring. I have serious sleep envy towards my husband. Soon 8:30 turned into 9, which then turned into 9:45 and I still couldn't sleep. Living in my parents basement has been a huge blessing for Daniel and I for many reasons, and a big one is that my mom and dad are obsessed with Addie and want to help us any way that they can, so they had the baby for a few hours so Daniel and I could get some much needed rest after a very emotional and stressful day. I was so frustrated and upset and hormonal and just in tears because I couldn't fall asleep. So I sat up, and said a quick prayer just asking Heavenly Father to help a sister out, and the next thing I knew I was waking up at 1:30 to feed Addie. I fed, burped and changed my little one and as I was rocking her back to sleep I pleaded with Heavenly Father to allow my poor little one to get some good sleep. If not for my sake, for her little body's sake so she could fight off the sickness she had. There's nothing worse than holding your screaming child and not knowing how to help them. I rocked her, brought her into our room, put her in her bed and climbed into mine and went to sleep. The next thing I knew, it was 4 AM (Addie's favorite time to be awake...until about 7...) and Adelaide was still sound asleep. Then it was 5, and Addie was still asleep. Then it was 6....sound asleep. She finally woke up to satisfy her hunger around 7 and as I watched her gulp away at her bottle I couldn't help but just cry. Heavenly Father hears us. He hears our prayers, he knows the righteous desires of our hearts. HE LOVES US. That doesn't mean that every time I plead with the lord to let Addie sleep through the night that she will. It doesn't mean I won't be tired anymore or that my Adelaide will never be sick again. We don't always get what we want, what we think we need. But the lord is so mindful of us, our father in heaven is mindful of us, and our prayers are heard. Boyd K Packer said "there are few things more powerful than the prayers of a righteous mother." And I am not saying I am righteous, or better than anybody, but I know that without a doubt, my prayers were heard and they were answered. And as silly as it may seem that my daughter allowing myself, and herself too, to get roughly 8 hours of pretty good sleep is an answered prayer, wait until you have a baby.

Being a mom is something that I can't explain. I'm told it's the most rewarding thing I'll ever do, and I believe it. But my rewards right now are sleepless nights, screaming for no reason, poopy diapers and only getting smiles when she has gas. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

But being completely responsible for something so precious isn't bliss. It's hard. It's overwhelming. It's emotional. But it's worth it. So if I'm going to be honest with you, no. I have not loved struggling with the fact that my daughter refuses to breast feed. I haven't loved getting no sleep. I haven't loved having a marshmallow for a stomach and not being able to wear my jeans. I haven't loved going into the doctor in the middle of the night because my daughter has such bad acid reflux she won't sleep. I haven't loved changing diapers and listening to her scream every time she gets bathed or dressed. But I do love my daughter. And I love that I get to raise her. I love that Heavenly Father trusts me enough to send me one of his most special little angels. I love that my husband and I get to share our love with the world through our child. So hate me for hesitating when asked if I love being a mom. That question is more complex than anybody who isn't a parent will ever understand.

Love and Marriage Part 2

I know I just barely went on a rant about this crazy stuff but Having gotten married so young I still have a handful of single friends, and recently I have been noticing that when I hang out with them all I do is talk about, well you guessed it, Being married. I recently went to lunch with a close friend from high school and when our conversation was coming to an end she told me something that really struck a chord in me. She said that she could listen to me tell stories about what it's like being married all day and that I made her excited to be married. That probably seems so silly, but it really made me think about how wonderful marriage is. I think I'm being sentimental because I'm nearly 37 weeks pregnant and my hormones aren't sure what is happening...but what my sweet friend said to me made me want to talk about marriage a little more. So here we go.

When marriage is generally brought up between a married person and a single/engaged person the thing I would guess that is said the most is "marriage is really hard." I remember my family and married friends saying that to me over and over again when daniel and I got engaged and I'll be super honest with you. at first I didn't believe them...and then the stress of the wedding and the pressure of remaining temple worthy and all of the forces and chaos of being engaged hit, Daniel and I started to fight (which we never did while dating) and I got scared thinking "well if we can't even make being engaged work how hard is marriage REALLY?" And I went into my marriage expecting it to be extremely hard. Don't get me wrong, being married takes a lot of effort. Like I talked about in my previous post, it takes 100 percent from both sides, it takes compromise and communication. It takes effort. It takes work. But does that mean it's necessarily hard? here's how I look at it. I love Daniel. I love him so much it consumes me every second of every single day. And because I love him so much I want to be the best friend, wife, support, cheerleader, therapist, etc. for him. I want to be a wonderful mom to his children. I want to be so great for him that he looks forward to coming home from work or school so he can be with me. I want him to brag about me to his buddies. I want him to use me as an example of why being married rocks to his single friends. And Because I love him, I have the desire to put the effort in to make that happen. And because I love him, I don't find that hard. Sometimes it's a little frustrating that he doesn't like to sort the laundry into the proper bins, but being married to him isn't hard. Yeah I wish that he didn't snore at night, but that doesn't make being married to him hard either.

Marriage is a challenge. Is that a better way to put it? You are combining two lives. Now I've known my husband and my in-laws for years and years. They've seen me through my adorable years, my awkward stages, and they've watched me become the person that I am. They even helped form the person that I am today. And because our families were so close I figured that combining my life with Daniels wouldn't be a transition. I was wrong. Yes, my in-laws are amazing, and I love them. But they are different enough from my parents in the way they raised their children that things that upset me and bother me, don't upset or bother my husband. We were raised by different people, under different roofs, under different circumstances. Does that mean the way I was raised was better than Daniel? No. Does that mean my in-laws are better parents than mine were, or vise versa? Definitely not. But every family is so different. And when you combine your life with somebody else, you're going to not always see eye to eye on things. But when you communicate, compromise, and let the Lord interfere by coming to a conclusion through prayer together, you make it work. Effort needs to be put into marriage every single day. And I believe when the effort stops being put in, that's when marriage gets hard.

You'll have hard times. Don't get me wrong, Daniel and I have had a handful of those in the 11 months we've been married, and I know there are millions more ahead of us. But like any couple, we have to work through those hard times together. I once read a comment by somebody and they said that they knew there would be loveless times in their marriage and it genuinely made me sad for them. Hard times come. You're going to fight and disagree. Somebody might go for a drive and ignore your calls, or sleep on the sofa for a night. You'll have heartache, your families will frustrate you, you'll disagree on how to handle situations...Maybe work is especially frustrating and you bring it home with you and take it out on your kids or spouse by being short tempered or rude. But the love you feel for your spouse should never leave. I can't even imagine looking at Daniel and not loving him, no matter what was said or done or had gone down between us. I don't want to even think about that.

Now I know that Daniel and I are still "newlyweds" and that I probably sound so naive. But I want all of my friends and family members to know, especially my friends still looking for their very own Daniels, that marriage is so worth the search. I was so blessed to find my eternal companion and best friend at a really young age. Some people it takes years, and for some that's not in our Heavenly Father's plan for them in this life. But never give up. Never shy away because being married sounds hard. Don't let the fear of marriage outweigh your desire to find that special someone. Because if you're being all you can be, always trying your hardest to give your 100% best to those around you, you'll be so surprised at how quickly things can change. Being married has been the greatest adventure of my life. Getting married to Daniel was, and probably always will be, the best decision I'll ever make. And I hope that all of you have either found that happiness or that you will find it. Because it is the sweetest blessing of all.

Love and Marriage

I post this knowing I will probably upset some people…and if I do I apologize..but there has been some things on my mind and I feel so inclined to share. So let’s get started!

Recently on facebook there has been an article going around that was written based off a talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The article gives wonderful advice for dating, being in love, and it is even applicable to marriages. Now I know Daniel and I have not been married all that long, our one year mark is approaching fast, but I can honestly say the past 11 months of being married, and even our dating and engaged life, has been bliss. Do not get me wrong here…my marriage is NOT perfect. Like any relationship, it takes a lot of hard work from both sides. Daniel is not the only one who needed to make changes. I am not the only one who has to put in an effort to show genuine love daily. Daniel and I work together, communicate, and as long as we are both giving it our 100% daily, our marriage is close to perfect. But, we are also very imperfect beings, and sometimes we don’t always simultaneously give our 100% best to each other...and that is when things seem hard, we fight, or just get on each others nerves. Please do not read this and think I am saying I have figured marriage out. That I know what I am doing all of the time or that I have a better marriage than anybody else, because I don’t. And I don’t think that at all. But I wanted to express some of my opinions on how to make a marriage better…like I said earlier it has just been on my mind. You can take what I say for a grain of salt :)

In Elder Holland’s talk, a large focus in on having a Christ centered relationship. The more you work towards the savior, the closer you will become to your spouse. I can tell you that I know this is true. When Daniel and I pray together, read our scriptures together and individually, and have discussions on the fundamentals of the gospel is when we grow the closest together. When we attend the temple together, I feel significantly closer to my spouse. Being in the temple reminds me of my savior and the covenants I have made there; including the sacred covenants I have made to and with my Daniel on the day we got sealed together for time and all eternity in the presence of our wonderful families and closest friends.

Another point Elder Holland makes is that love should not be selfish. I think this is one that I have to remind myself daily to keep working at. I will be the very first to admit, I have a tendency to be pretty selfish sometimes and it doesn’t benefit anybody really. I am a firm believer that the marriages you see growing up help shape the marriage you get into. I grew up with parents who are still happily married. My parents still go out on dates. My mom still gets excited when my dad gets home from work. I don’t think there has been a day in my life that I haven’t heard my dad tell my mom how much he loves her, and how beautiful she is. My parents laugh together, they share together and they WORK together…they are very rarely selfish. And because I was so richly blessed to grow up around that, I have taken their example and tried to apply it into my marriage. I try so hard to tell my Daniel how much I love him every single day. That I appreciate the sacrifices he makes for me and our daughter. I tell him he is the most handsome man I know. I make sure he knows I love him. And because Daniel was also lucky enough to grow up in a home with parents who have a wonderful marriage, he does the same for me. There has not been a single day since we started dating that my husband has forgotten to tell me I look nice, or that he loves me, appreciates me, or just simply makes me feel special. Daniel is not selfish and is slowly teaching me how to be more selfless. How lucky am I that this is what I have for eternity? I feel richly blessed as we prepare to welcome our daughter into the world within the next couple weeks that I know that she will grow up in a home filled with genuine, selfless love.

The last thing I want to draw attention to isn’t from Elder Holland, it is from the First Presidency. “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” is a wonderful read, if you have not read it in your life I encourage you to find it now on LDS.org because it is worth your time. Family. How important the family is! Something that I love about the gospel is that its whole focus is on families. I love that my mom and dad are sealed together and by being sealed together, I get to be sealed to them.  And because I am sealed to them, I am sealed to my siblings. And Daniel is sealed to HIS parents, whom are sealed to all of their children. And Daniel and I got sealed. And because we got sealed, our sweet Addie and all of our other children to come will be sealed to us. And their siblings, and their aunts and uncles and grandparents…it never ends. That is the beauty of the gospel. That it isn’t just husband and wife, man and woman. It is the FAMILY. Without my family, I would be nothing. And I promise you my husband feels the same way. I see the relationships we both have with our parents, our siblings, our sibling’s children…and I get overwhelmed with love and gratitude. They say when you marry somebody you marry their family…that statement? Completely true. The family is important enough…it is the most important thing to our Father in Heaven, that he has stressed to us that the family unit is eternal, celestial, and sacred. We should never take the family for granted. Families fight, argue, disagree, sometimes they don’t talk for years and hey, even some people don’t like their family. But guess what? They’re still your family. And I know that because of my family, both the Young side and the Grimm side, help make my marriage stronger, better, and happier. The never ending love and support I get from my parents, siblings, and in-laws…is a key part to the happiness to myself and my husband which, you guessed it, then transfers into the happiness in my marriage. In Genesis it says to cleave unto your spouse, which you always should, but I strongly encourage you to cleave unto your FAMILIES. Because in the eternal perspective? The family is all that matters.

I hope this helps, encourages, or brightens somebody’s day. I know I am not perfect, my marriage is not perfect, and I have a lot to work on individually. But I know this gospel is true. I know that when we take the counsel from the prophets and apostles that our lives will be richly blessed. And I encourage all of my friends and family members to do the same. So here are some adorable pictures of my family that I love so much to make you happy :)

"Come What May and Love it"

Joseph B. Wirthlin, a former member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints said, “Come what may and love it”. My sister has a cute sign hanging in her kitchen as a reminder of this tender quote. I have never applied that quote to myself before today…and I think it may have taken me too long.

I will be the first to say that everybody goes through trials, or rough patches, in their lives. Nobody has it “easy” even though it may seem that way. Sometimes the people who seem to always have it all together are the ones who don’t have it all together at all. My family has been going through some of these “rough patches” the past couple weeks and it has been so hard to look at what life has thrown us and be grateful and “love it”. But we were looking forward to this past weekend. My parents were going to go on down to good ole Cedar City to visit my sister and her husband and Daniel and I were going to have a nice relaxing weekend alone before Addie decides to show up. Daniel and I had made our plans and my parents got in my dad’s car and went on their merry way. It was going to be such a nice change from the craziness we have been going through to just be able to relax. But, as always, life had something a little different in mind.

About 10 minutes outside of Fillmore (which, if you are familiar with the drive to Southern Utah, is a little more than halfway to cedar) my parents faced yet another trial. My dad’s engine decided it didn’t want to work anymore and scared my mom half to death. So after getting a phone call from my dad assuring me my sister was on her way to retrieve them it became very apparent that they were going to be trapped in Cedar if somebody didn’t come rescue them. And those somebodies were my husband and I. So the next morning after Daniel got home from his classes we loaded up my mom’s car and headed down south, which definitely wasn’t what I wanted to be doing with my weekend.

Daniel and I decided to make the most out of our trip and we were able to spend time with my wonderful in-laws, see our dear friends, and even spend time with my sister, her husband and my parents. It was looking like things were going to be going our way for a fun weekend. We had been hanging out with our friends and I started to not feel very well. I ignored it and tried to focus on the game we were playing until it got unbearable. So Daniel and I gathered up our stuff and headed to the car. By the time we were on their driveway I was screaming in pain, scared and not sure what on earth I was experiencing, in a panic I call my mom and we decide the best idea is to meet at the Cedar hospital. I don’t think Daniel has ever driven that fast and I don’t think I have ever screamed that loud. We rush me into the hospital and they immediately send me to labor and delivery and I was being prepared to give birth to my daughter. I didn’t have a single thing with me. No clothes, her car seat was in an entirely different city and I still have 7 weeks to go in my pregnancy. I was terrified, in pain, and if I haven’t already mentioned it…absolutely scared out of my mind.

I wasn’t in labor, thankfully, and they gave me narcotics to help stop the pain. After doing some tests and talking to the on call OB, they came to the conclusion that I was experiencing kidney stones. If you have ever passed a kidney stone you will know I am not being dramatic when I say that it is the most painful thing….ever. They say it’s worse than child birth, which was a comfort to me because if that was what labor would feel like Daniel and I would be having one child. After a couple hours, 2 bags of fluids, and promising the nurse to return immediately if my pain came back, we were sent home.

I looked at my husband and asked him what else could have possibly gone wrong. I was so frustrated that all of this crap kept continually happening to myself and my family and I told Daniel I didn’t know if I could take much more of it. And my sweet husband reminded me that if we had stayed home for the weekend he would have been at drill when I started passing my stone, leaving me all alone and Daniel in Spanish fork. My mom and dad were able to be at the hospital with me, along with my husband, because we had gone down to Cedar City. And I know this must sound ridiculous…but I found myself in tears of gratitude for my Heavenly Father. It made me stop and realize that even when we are given trial after trial, our Heavenly Father doesn’t leave us hanging. He continually blesses us with tender mercies and love. And even though sometimes we don’t understand why we are facing the trial in front of us, He does. And we just have to trust that it is for our own benefit. We have to embrace what comes our way and love it. I am not saying I loved passing a kidney stone, but I do love that I had the support and love of my family. I love that my dad was there to help my husband give me a priesthood blessing. I love that my husband is worthy to hold the priesthood. I love that I have a healthy and strong baby whose heart beat is strong and beautiful. I love that I have an awesome family who loves and supports me unconditionally. I am so blessed and even in the midst of all of these trials we have been facing I think I can finally say that I am finally embracing whatever comes next and I will love it.

The gospel is great guys. And if you have questions about what I believe as a Latter Day Saint please don’t hesitate to ask me or visit lds.org AND please watch general conference this upcoming weekend! I promise you won’t regret it. 

10 things I learned while being pregnant.

Wow it's been a while. I wish I could excuse myself for being busy, when, in reality, I am just so boring and so painfully lazy. So there's that. 

So, we are drawing near the end of this crazy 9 month adventure that the world likes to call pregnancy! If you've ever been pregnant you will understand me when I say that it has been the longest months of my life, but they've also flown by. I remember being told my due date was in November and laughing because that was forever away. And now we are more than halfway done with September, I am starting to really not like these stupid Braxton Hicks contractions and I have 8 weeks left if she even makes it to her due date. My OB has been lovely to inform me that I should be prepped to have this baby early. So here's to hoping I am actually ready to have her when she decides to come. But, if we are all being super honest with each other, I don't think I will ever be ready. Ever. 

Since I have been a lone wolf a lot lately due to my husband's crazy schedule I have had lots of time to think and reflect on a lot, especially on my experiences while being pregnant. And so I thought I would make a list of things you should know and be prepared for if you’re planning on getting pregnant…well ever.  

1.    Food commercials are made with pregnant women in mind. I kid you not, they know how to get ya when you’re pregnant and vulnerable. I have never in my life watched a  KFC commercial and thought “wow, I need some chicken and mashed potatoes immediately.” But since being pregnant? If I even get a hint of that darn commercial…it’s over. And Daniel is running to KFC to get me chicken and mashed potatoes. Taco Bell, I’m looking at you too. Blasted fast food commercials.

2.    Other women are not sympathetic towards you. Your friends may say they feel bad that you have to get up every hour to go pee in the middle of the night, but they don’t mean it. Especially if they’ve been pregnant. So don’t believe ‘em. Just don’t do it. BUT your husband will feel bad for you, so milk that for all its worth. ;)

3.    There is not enough hours to sleep in the day. I honestly believe I could sleep all day, all night, and all day again and still wake up absolutely exhausted. I have never been so tired in my entire life. You may think you’re making a person, but that person is actually a life sucking parasite. You’re a host, don’t kid yourself.

4.    Husbands are so patient. My poor Daniel knew I was a crazy pants when we got married but I don’t think he anticipated how weird pregnancy would be for him. Poor guy looks at me wrong and I cry. He takes too long at the grocery store, I cry. If it takes him a little bit longer than usual to get home from school? Forget it. I think he’s dead and you guessed it, I am in tears. So HUGE shout out to my awesome husband for being so patient and understanding and for not losing his marbles when I say “I don’t know why I’m crying” 60 times a day.

5.    Stairs were created by Satan himself. No further explanation needed.

6.    When you’re pregnant, everybody and everything will probably annoy you at one point or another. I find myself being bothered especially by things I can’t control. Don’t even get me started on the summer heat. Who decided it needed to be 90 plus degrees outside all the time? Dumb.

7.    You may think you are in control of your body, but then you get pregnant and you learn that you definitely are not. So that’s always fun.

8.    People will describe your belly as cute and adorable, but I promise you will feel like neither of those things. Just say thank you and remind yourself that you are not a beluga whale, but a pregnant person and all will be fine.

9.    Your OB will become your best friend. No lie, Dr Rallison and I are homies. Just be sure to pick a doctor that you feel completely comfortable with because you will become close in ways you never thought possible. Your OB is crucial to having a healthy pregnancy and baby. You should feel completely comfortable going in with a huge list of concerns, and he or she should put them to rest and help you understand what’s happening. I can’t stress this enough. YOUR OB IS A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON!

10.You will have moments of panic, especially on those restless nights, and you will feel guilty for being panicked. Do not feel bad. I seriously have anxiety attacks when I think about how I am going to be a mom in approximately 8 weeks and its 100% completely normal. It doesn’t mean I don’t want my baby or that I don’t love her. It doesn’t mean I am not excited beyond belief to be a mom. All it means is that your life is about to change in a way that you can’t imagine. My life is about to change in a way that I don’t think I have fully wrapped my brain around. I don’t comprehend it, and it’s ok. That’s why we have moms. Because they were in our position once too, and they survived, just like we will.

Being pregnant has been such a different experience than I ever anticipated it being. Do not get me wrong, it has been hard…but I do realize that I am not the first person to have a hard time while pregnant. I am not trying to sound like I am complaining or get sympathy…but I do know I am the queen of complaining about it, but in all honesty it’s truly a miracle. I didn’t know it was possible to love somebody as much as I love my daughter, and I haven’t even met her yet. I daydream about her. What her dreams will be, what her smile will look like, whose eyes she will have. I can’t help but get emotional thinking how lucky I am that this little spirit chose Daniel and me to be her parents. It’s amazing what our Heavenly Father has made possible. I mean my body has created a person. A PERSON. With bones, a brain, a beating heart…and if you ask me, that’s pretty incredible. I am scared out of my mind, I am more excited than I have ever been, and I simply can’t wait to meet my little Adelaide.

Baby on the Brain

I’m having a baby. As I am sitting here looking at paint samples, the car seat and stroller, talking about what crib to buy and how to decorate the nursery with baby bump in sight I am so overwhelmed. I’m having a baby! Over the past 5 months all I have been able to say to people is “9 months is far too long!” and now that I have 4 months left, I think that pregnancy shouldn’t go this fast. In approximately 4 months I will be holding my little girl in my arms and if that isn’t absolutely insane, I don’t know what is!

Being pregnant has been a huge pain in the butt. The people that told me I would feel energized, happy, and loads better than my first trimester…you are all liars. Granted, I have it pretty easy. I am not puking every day and for that I am grateful, but let me tell ya. Being pregnant hasn’t been the fun of having a baby bump and beautiful glowing skin like I thought it was going to be. In fact, my skin has taken a downward spiral since I have taken on the parasite so..that was upsetting. Also, pregnancy brain is a real thing. Women are not just blaming their baby for absentmindedness for fun. I CAN’T REMEMBER ANYTHING. True story: today my mom and I were at Babies R Us and as we were checking out I couldn’t remember the word COUPON. For real? Coupon? This is my life. And as a lover of words I find it very frustrating to be at a loss for them. Who decided I should forget my name AND be fat? Not cool.

A lot of people have been asking us if we have a name picked out and we do! We are naming her Adelaide Jean and we’ll call her Addie :) I am already so in love with my daughter and I have yet to even know what she’s like. Its mind blowing to me that Daniel and I are going to be parents to a little girl. I was so convinced we were having a boy, and my husband constantly saying things like “Oh I KNOW it’s a boy. My son is in there!” didn’t help much. But when the ultrasound tech told us that she is without a doubt a little girl I can honestly say a little bit of relief fell over me. I wouldn’t know what to do with a boy! I have 3 awesome older brothers but they are a lot older than I am so I never had the experience of growing up with them like I did my sister. It was always just Breanna and I. Barbies, dress up, playing house and baby dolls is what I know and what I understand. Daniel, on the other hand, is a little overwhelmed by all the pink, glitter and bows. But he couldn’t be more thrilled! I can already hear him saying “anything for you, princess” to her…heaven help me. Somebody might have to help remind us not to spoil her absolutely rotten…we seriously are SO in love! And it doesn’t hurt that Daniel and I made her so she’s bound to be adorable. Oh dear, I’m already smitten.

Another thing a lot of people have been asking me is why I am not posting belly pictures. Here’s my thing. I feel so weird posting a picture of my big ole belly. Full disclaimer: it’s really not that big in comparison to a lot of women who are at my point in pregnancy. But Addie is my first baby, so I have stayed ‘small’. But also, keep in mind I am the biggest I have EVER been and I feel like a beached whale 90% of the time. My mom is so sweet in reminding me that she stayed small with her babies until 6 months, then she got huge. So here’s to another month of feeling large and looking small ;) If somebody can convince me that it really isn’t weird to post a baby bump picture I might do it…I’m not sure. Would that make me tacky? Ugh I am so conflicted.

I haven’t blogged in so long, which isn’t really all that shocking if we are being honest with each other, and not a ton has happened…I don’t think. Daniel and I have relocated and are currently living in good ole Kaysville! Daniel went to Germany for 3 weeks for his annual training (he is in the National Guard for those who didn’t know) and I went a little crazy. Big shout out to my mom and my friend Mel for keeping me sane! We found out we are having a girl (which, I’m sure you figured from previous posts) and I put blonde in my hair. Other than that, we are a pretty boring duo. If you find yourself in a similar predicament, we need friends so hit us up. We promise to not be boring if you hang out with us ;)

Life is so good, friends. I have a super hot hubby, a baby on the way, and an awesome, supportive family surrounding me! The church is true, the book is blue. Always brush your teeth and say your prayers. Until next time!

Things that need to be said

I have had a very long internal debate whether or not to blog about this and I obviously have come to the conclusion that it’s time to get some things off of my chest. So please. Stick with me through this post…and I promise a little light at the end of the tunnel. :)

               I have not always been the most confrontational human being. Since I can remember I let people, more specifically my “friends”, walk all over me. I have never been the girl to stand up for herself…and I am thoroughly embarrassed by that. I was mistreated to a point of it being borderline bullying throughout the majority of my school years. But I never saw it that way. I live to see the good in people. I want to see people the way my Father in Heaven sees them…and it’s always been a quality I have liked about myself. I have the ability to forgive anybody and everybody…no matter what they have said or done to me or those around me. Some people think it’s a weakness…I like to believe it is a strength. But I think it’s time for me to start standing up for myself. That doesn’t mean that I won’t forgive…or be a different Haley. But there are some things I would like to get off my chest and that I need to say. SO here we go.

               I graduated high school a year early for a lot of varying factors. I am a smart girl but I haven’t been the most dedicated student in my academic career. I hated school because I didn’t do well…but by my own choices…and I hated school because I felt like I didn’t fit in with the kids my age. All of my friends, with the great exception of a select few, were either older or younger than I was. Never the same age. And that never bothered me…until I was a Jr and all of my senior friends were graduating and moving on. If you were to ask me in those moments what my thoughts were towards my friends I would have told you I had found the friends I would have forever…sadly I now see that is not the case at all. Now I will be the first to admit, I am as imperfect as they come. I have said and done things to hurt my friends, my family, and I would even assume people I do not even know. I AM NOT PERFECT. I am not pointing fingers. But the friends I had, for the most part, weren’t helping me become a better person. So in the long run…graduating early was good. Because that meant instead of enjoying a senior year with the rest of my age group I was able to move out and go to Southern Utah University. Which leads me to the next phase.

               When I moved away I didn’t expect to have as hard of a time as I did being away from my family. Granted, I have my sister in cedar city but she had recently gotten married and I never wanted to intrude. Luckily for me I met some of the most incredible people on the planet and they took me in and became my friends. These few friends started to help me see that who I was in high school and the person that I really am are two different people. And I could not be more grateful to them. These people, and they definitely know who they are, will be in my life forever. And for that I am beyond happy about. In all the hustle and bustle of discovering who I am it also lead to a lot of changes in my major. I moved home for the summer sure I was set on being an English Major and was excited for the fall… and then I went to the homecoming talk of Daniel Grimm. And things started to change pretty fast.

               I have known my husband for the majority of my life. He has been in my life longer than he hasn’t been…which is pretty cool if you ask me. But because of this…we didn’t have to get to know each other really at all. We simple had a few years to catch up on. And a month after starting to date we were engaged and two months later we were married. Talk about a whirlwind. And 3 months later I get pregnant. Again...fast. And now I get to my point.

               I have made a lot of very personal decisions in my life that the people around me do not like. Whether we went to elementary school, Jr high, high school, or college together; whether we were in the same ward or lived in the same neighborhood…if you don’t like the choices I am making that is really too dang bad for you. I got married at 18, I will be having my first baby at 19 and possibly on my one year wedding anniversary with my husband who I dated for 30 days. You don’t like that? That really sucks. I am absolutely sick and tired of the judgment, the comments and the things gossiped behind closed doors. It hurts. Everything negative you say gets back to the person you say it about. And I am done with it slowly breaking my heart. I am done blaming myself for all of the people who do not like me. IM DONE. So if you are one of those people, I am asking you to please butt out of my business. Stop acting like you care because you want to know more about my life, my marriage or my pregnancy. I may be young, but I am a very smart and capable girl…and the decisions Daniel and I make do not include you. So please. Leave my family alone. Leave me alone.     I have always taken pride in being a good friend… I don’t think that is too much to ask in return.

               There is also the complete opposite of this, there are those who have been nothing but supportive, kind, constant, and good friends. And to you I say thank you. I have always been a pretty independent girl who knows what she wants. I am just finally doing whatever it takes to find happiness for myself and my little family. And your support means the world to me. Thank you for being a good friend. I love you, and I hope if you’re one of the people that has supported me, whether near or far, you know that.

               I promise I am now off of my soap box, thank you for bearing with me :) I promised light at the end of the tunnel so here it is! A baby Grimm update!! Baby Grimm is growing like a weed!! The little monkey is just about fully developed in the sense of having all of its major body parts…and now we just have to wait for the little guy to get bigger! We will be finding out what gender the baby is within the next month or so, so be looking forward for the gender reveal! We are SO excited for this little one. I already love it to pieces :) So, person reading this, I hope that you know I appreciate your support. You’re probably super great and I like that about you. Until next time!

This baby is already adorable. Just look at it.

Love me some Daniel (and hockey)

               Everybody hold onto their boot straps because there is indeed….ANOTHER BLOG POST. And you can thank baby Grimm for this one…the discomfort pregnancy has thrust upon me has kept me up past my bedtime once again. So let’s get this party started!

The first topic I would like to approach is, most likely, quite irrelevant to many lives. BUT…it’s my blog. THEREFORE I am allowed to talk about the NHL STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS if I would like. And if this is not interesting to you at all I suggest you skip this next part. I won’t be offended. SO here we go.

ALRIGHT. Day one of the playoffs just ended and I am already enjoying myself immensely. I say this because my San Jose Sharks have yet to play…so fair warning: my attitude towards the playoffs might abruptly change...but we will talk about my boys in a second. Let’s first talk about the Dallas vs. Anaheim game. Now for those who know my sweet Daniel, you know he is a pretty big Dallas Stars fan. It has actually been the root of many a heated discussion in our household seeing as the Sharks and the Stars don’t really get along. But I will say this. I hate the Ducks way more than I could ever dislike the Stars. So this matchup is a treat for Daniel. I am rooting for the green and white on this one. Not only does Anaheim just get under my skin because they’re ANAHEIM (if you do not understand why that statement makes perfect sense…then you probably aren’t a hockey fan…) BUT they, and I firmly believe this and will stick by my statement until the day I die, have the worst. Fans. Ever. Ask anybody who isn’t a Ducks fan and they will back me up. I don’t know what it is about Southern California hockey fans but holy moly. They’re the worst. (I include LA Kings fans in this statement)

 In this first game of this series, the Ducks scored 4 goals and the Stars had a big ole goose egg when Daniel and I finally gave up watching and went to bed. And Daniel says something along the lines of “watch. They’re going to make an amazing comeback and I will be sound asleep when it happens.” AND THEN THEY DID. (I will be promoting Daniel to say such things about the Sharks taking it all. Updates to follow) The stars still lost…but only by one point! WHAT A COMEBACK. And Daniel missed it all. Poor guy. But here’s the thing that really gets me…the Ducks fans want a parade. They want to call themselves the cup winners. ITS GAME ONE OF THE FIRST SERIES. CALM THE HECK DOWN. I swear upon all things good and wonderful, the next comment I see on any social networking site about how the Ducks played against two teams, the stars and the refs, or about how they deserve the cup now and spare the stars the embarrassment…I think I might lose my mind. So if you are an Anaheim Ducks fan (and you call them the Anaheim MIGHTY Ducks...I promise you I will punch you in the throat) then you need to take it from me and just stop it. The whole NHL fan base hates you. End of rant…

I will briefly state that this year LA will not kick us out of the playoffs and I want Lord Stanley’s cup to finally have the sharks on it. But I am keeping my mouth shut until games start playing. (NBC Sports is airing them. Tune in Thursday night for some seriously good hockey. BEAT LA!) That Is all.

OK, now to the fun, married people things! This post I am dedicating to my wonderful husband. Because I am going to brag about him. He will probably be embarrassed but I don’t care. I love you Daniel. Don’t hate me for sharing these things… :)

First off. Best hubby ever award goes straight to Daniel. The other morning I wasn’t feeling too hot, like most mornings, and Daniel was asking me what I wanted to have for breakfast. We were simply lying in bed, talking, cuddling, enjoying each other’s company and a moment to simply just relax, and the image of waffles dances into my mind. Now if you’ve ever been pregnant, or around somebody who is pregnant, then you know that once you crave something YOU HAVE TO HAVE IT. So, I asked sweet Daniel if he would make me waffles. He said he would, but I had to clear off a space for his work space in our then, messy kitchen. (Which Daniel later cleaned…he’s basically the best.) I then proceeded to whine about how I didn’t feel good and, like the saint that he truly is, he let me stay in bed as he made me waffles to devour and to put my craving to rest. I just really love him.

A FEW DAYS LATER…another craving has hit. And I just want a Pizza Factory breadstick. Daniel was in class when this craving began so I sent him a text to see if he would pick me one up on his way home. He said he would, because he is the best, and I waited patiently for the arrival of my delicious bread treat. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a PF breadstick…but they are MASSIVE. One will definitely suffice for a pregnant lady because I mean it when I say they are HUGE. So sweet Daniel comes home and is holding a pizza box that smells like it came straight out of God’s oven. I ask him why the box is so big for a breadstick and he says “I bought you 5…I didn’t know they were so big.” I think I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard.

I think I could talk for days about how wonderful my husband is. He is sweet, kind, caring, selfless, funny, smart, and wickedly handsome, among a number of other things. He sings very beautifully in the shower, can make a very convincing cow noise, he sometimes talks to our baby like a monkey in case we have to abandon him to apes (please refer to Tarzan), AND he talks in his sleep, which, I will have you know, is hilarious. I firmly believe that I hit the jackpot with Daniel John Grimm and I count him many a times on my blessings lists.

I apologize for the long post but I will admit. Two of my all-time favorite things are Hockey and my husband. So I don’t feel that bad :) Hope that I keep up the good work with my blog updates and have a wonderful life until we chat next time. Person reading this…I probably love you a lot. That is all. Until next time!

Isn't he the cutest person EVER?

Yeah. Cutest human. Holy cow what a babe.

I guarantee I will look at him like that for the rest of forever. Can you tell I love him?

Life as of lately...

OK. I will be the very first to admit that if it was humanly possible to be fired from my own blog because of neglecting it, I could probably do it. I am the worst blogger in history and I will make an excuse saying that life has not been slow. Not once. But whose life ever is? I have no valid excuses other than my lazy ways. So profuse apologies from me to you. But, if it makes anything better or more tolerable or likely for forgiveness, I promise lots of fun and exciting things to be written about. So lets get started!

So as many of you know, Daniel and I have a cute little apartment on the North end of town and we absolutely love it. The only problem is I only love the apartment.  NOT the town. When I first moved to Cedar City, it was new and exciting and held so much potential for me…and now that I am married, working, and not in school it isn’t as glorious. I miss my family, I miss not living in the middle of nowhere… and thanks to some serious thought and prayer…we have made the decision to relocate our little family back to good ole Davis County! I could not be more excited. Being the youngest child in my family I like to think that it has given me a very special bond with both my mom and dad and I will be the first to admit that I need them now more than ever. And with the rock star of a husband that I have he has so graciously agreed to transfer schools and pick up and move. What a sweetheart, right? So my Davis county friends, we will be reunited in about a month! Woohoo!!

In other big news for the Grimms, which there seems to be a lot, we finally went on our honeymoon!! You heard me right, it took us a couple months to actually take the leap but when we did we landed in DISNEYLAND! It was absolutely what we needed and I don’t think I have ever had so much fun in my entire life :) I mean it when I say vacationing without an agenda is heaven on earth. Since it’s just me and Daniel it was so easy just to plan a trip so abruptly and just go! We went to the beach, Downtown Disney, went on California screamin’ probably 18 times in 3 days…we had an absolute BLAST. We also played every Mormon on vacations favorite game, you guessed it, spot the MoMos! We even stood in line behind people playing the same game and bonded over the pride you feel when you confirm they are indeed LDS. It’s kind of sad how rewarded you feel. We had a good time taking selfies with characters, riding star tours way too many times, eating some of the most delicious food known to MANKIND, and just enjoying being US. But, if you have the time and money to go, seriously go to Disneyland simply for Cars Land. Disney has really outdone themselves with that …its absolutely phenomenal!! Also, there is a little food place called the Bengal BBQ across from Indiana jones…trust me when I say it was some of the best food I’ve ever had!! So good. I look forward to going back…but it might be a while because of a little something coming to our family…

The arrival of the first Grimmlin!! The majority of you already know this because we publically announced it but we could not be more excited! This pregnancy is only 7 weeks in and I am already dying for the peanut to just get here NOW! November 24^th is quite the distance away is you ask me. This pregnancy has been short yet very hard for me…I have been SO sick. Yesterday I was not feeling well and nothing seemed to be helping so my doctor had me come into the office to get some IV fluids, which was fine, but he also wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure everything was checking ok with the babe. For all of the moms out there, I know you will be able to relate to how I am feeling. Daniel and I got to hear our baby’s heartbeat and see the little one for the first time. I was so overwhelmed absolutely instantly with love for the raspberry sized human being in my tummy. I mean I have known I was pregnant for a while now but hearing that strong, fast little beat and seeing that there is indeed a little human inside there made everything so real for Daniel and I. I already can tell I am going to be one of those parents who brags about their baby constantly. I already think the peanut is the most perfect little thing in the world and I don’t even know the gender yet. I am finally getting a small glimpse into a mothers love and I am absolutely overwhelmed with emotion. This poor baby isn’t going to know what hit it when it comes to us. I will be a bit too much for him, I can already tell :)

So a lot has happened in the past 4 months and we honestly could not be happier with the direction our lives are going. I love Daniel more and more each and every day, and same goes for the peanut. I will try my best to keep everybody updated on baby news and life and adventures of the Grimm family. Thank you for being in my life. A lot of you have contributed to who I am today, and the kind of mom I am going to be to this baby. SO thank you, from all of us. Until next time!