Love and Marriage Part 2

I know I just barely went on a rant about this crazy stuff but Having gotten married so young I still have a handful of single friends, and recently I have been noticing that when I hang out with them all I do is talk about, well you guessed it, Being married. I recently went to lunch with a close friend from high school and when our conversation was coming to an end she told me something that really struck a chord in me. She said that she could listen to me tell stories about what it's like being married all day and that I made her excited to be married. That probably seems so silly, but it really made me think about how wonderful marriage is. I think I'm being sentimental because I'm nearly 37 weeks pregnant and my hormones aren't sure what is happening...but what my sweet friend said to me made me want to talk about marriage a little more. So here we go.

When marriage is generally brought up between a married person and a single/engaged person the thing I would guess that is said the most is "marriage is really hard." I remember my family and married friends saying that to me over and over again when daniel and I got engaged and I'll be super honest with you. at first I didn't believe them...and then the stress of the wedding and the pressure of remaining temple worthy and all of the forces and chaos of being engaged hit, Daniel and I started to fight (which we never did while dating) and I got scared thinking "well if we can't even make being engaged work how hard is marriage REALLY?" And I went into my marriage expecting it to be extremely hard. Don't get me wrong, being married takes a lot of effort. Like I talked about in my previous post, it takes 100 percent from both sides, it takes compromise and communication. It takes effort. It takes work. But does that mean it's necessarily hard? here's how I look at it. I love Daniel. I love him so much it consumes me every second of every single day. And because I love him so much I want to be the best friend, wife, support, cheerleader, therapist, etc. for him. I want to be a wonderful mom to his children. I want to be so great for him that he looks forward to coming home from work or school so he can be with me. I want him to brag about me to his buddies. I want him to use me as an example of why being married rocks to his single friends. And Because I love him, I have the desire to put the effort in to make that happen. And because I love him, I don't find that hard. Sometimes it's a little frustrating that he doesn't like to sort the laundry into the proper bins, but being married to him isn't hard. Yeah I wish that he didn't snore at night, but that doesn't make being married to him hard either.

Marriage is a challenge. Is that a better way to put it? You are combining two lives. Now I've known my husband and my in-laws for years and years. They've seen me through my adorable years, my awkward stages, and they've watched me become the person that I am. They even helped form the person that I am today. And because our families were so close I figured that combining my life with Daniels wouldn't be a transition. I was wrong. Yes, my in-laws are amazing, and I love them. But they are different enough from my parents in the way they raised their children that things that upset me and bother me, don't upset or bother my husband. We were raised by different people, under different roofs, under different circumstances. Does that mean the way I was raised was better than Daniel? No. Does that mean my in-laws are better parents than mine were, or vise versa? Definitely not. But every family is so different. And when you combine your life with somebody else, you're going to not always see eye to eye on things. But when you communicate, compromise, and let the Lord interfere by coming to a conclusion through prayer together, you make it work. Effort needs to be put into marriage every single day. And I believe when the effort stops being put in, that's when marriage gets hard.

You'll have hard times. Don't get me wrong, Daniel and I have had a handful of those in the 11 months we've been married, and I know there are millions more ahead of us. But like any couple, we have to work through those hard times together. I once read a comment by somebody and they said that they knew there would be loveless times in their marriage and it genuinely made me sad for them. Hard times come. You're going to fight and disagree. Somebody might go for a drive and ignore your calls, or sleep on the sofa for a night. You'll have heartache, your families will frustrate you, you'll disagree on how to handle situations...Maybe work is especially frustrating and you bring it home with you and take it out on your kids or spouse by being short tempered or rude. But the love you feel for your spouse should never leave. I can't even imagine looking at Daniel and not loving him, no matter what was said or done or had gone down between us. I don't want to even think about that.

Now I know that Daniel and I are still "newlyweds" and that I probably sound so naive. But I want all of my friends and family members to know, especially my friends still looking for their very own Daniels, that marriage is so worth the search. I was so blessed to find my eternal companion and best friend at a really young age. Some people it takes years, and for some that's not in our Heavenly Father's plan for them in this life. But never give up. Never shy away because being married sounds hard. Don't let the fear of marriage outweigh your desire to find that special someone. Because if you're being all you can be, always trying your hardest to give your 100% best to those around you, you'll be so surprised at how quickly things can change. Being married has been the greatest adventure of my life. Getting married to Daniel was, and probably always will be, the best decision I'll ever make. And I hope that all of you have either found that happiness or that you will find it. Because it is the sweetest blessing of all.

Love and Marriage

I post this knowing I will probably upset some people…and if I do I apologize..but there has been some things on my mind and I feel so inclined to share. So let’s get started!

Recently on facebook there has been an article going around that was written based off a talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The article gives wonderful advice for dating, being in love, and it is even applicable to marriages. Now I know Daniel and I have not been married all that long, our one year mark is approaching fast, but I can honestly say the past 11 months of being married, and even our dating and engaged life, has been bliss. Do not get me wrong here…my marriage is NOT perfect. Like any relationship, it takes a lot of hard work from both sides. Daniel is not the only one who needed to make changes. I am not the only one who has to put in an effort to show genuine love daily. Daniel and I work together, communicate, and as long as we are both giving it our 100% daily, our marriage is close to perfect. But, we are also very imperfect beings, and sometimes we don’t always simultaneously give our 100% best to each other...and that is when things seem hard, we fight, or just get on each others nerves. Please do not read this and think I am saying I have figured marriage out. That I know what I am doing all of the time or that I have a better marriage than anybody else, because I don’t. And I don’t think that at all. But I wanted to express some of my opinions on how to make a marriage better…like I said earlier it has just been on my mind. You can take what I say for a grain of salt :)

In Elder Holland’s talk, a large focus in on having a Christ centered relationship. The more you work towards the savior, the closer you will become to your spouse. I can tell you that I know this is true. When Daniel and I pray together, read our scriptures together and individually, and have discussions on the fundamentals of the gospel is when we grow the closest together. When we attend the temple together, I feel significantly closer to my spouse. Being in the temple reminds me of my savior and the covenants I have made there; including the sacred covenants I have made to and with my Daniel on the day we got sealed together for time and all eternity in the presence of our wonderful families and closest friends.

Another point Elder Holland makes is that love should not be selfish. I think this is one that I have to remind myself daily to keep working at. I will be the very first to admit, I have a tendency to be pretty selfish sometimes and it doesn’t benefit anybody really. I am a firm believer that the marriages you see growing up help shape the marriage you get into. I grew up with parents who are still happily married. My parents still go out on dates. My mom still gets excited when my dad gets home from work. I don’t think there has been a day in my life that I haven’t heard my dad tell my mom how much he loves her, and how beautiful she is. My parents laugh together, they share together and they WORK together…they are very rarely selfish. And because I was so richly blessed to grow up around that, I have taken their example and tried to apply it into my marriage. I try so hard to tell my Daniel how much I love him every single day. That I appreciate the sacrifices he makes for me and our daughter. I tell him he is the most handsome man I know. I make sure he knows I love him. And because Daniel was also lucky enough to grow up in a home with parents who have a wonderful marriage, he does the same for me. There has not been a single day since we started dating that my husband has forgotten to tell me I look nice, or that he loves me, appreciates me, or just simply makes me feel special. Daniel is not selfish and is slowly teaching me how to be more selfless. How lucky am I that this is what I have for eternity? I feel richly blessed as we prepare to welcome our daughter into the world within the next couple weeks that I know that she will grow up in a home filled with genuine, selfless love.

The last thing I want to draw attention to isn’t from Elder Holland, it is from the First Presidency. “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” is a wonderful read, if you have not read it in your life I encourage you to find it now on LDS.org because it is worth your time. Family. How important the family is! Something that I love about the gospel is that its whole focus is on families. I love that my mom and dad are sealed together and by being sealed together, I get to be sealed to them.  And because I am sealed to them, I am sealed to my siblings. And Daniel is sealed to HIS parents, whom are sealed to all of their children. And Daniel and I got sealed. And because we got sealed, our sweet Addie and all of our other children to come will be sealed to us. And their siblings, and their aunts and uncles and grandparents…it never ends. That is the beauty of the gospel. That it isn’t just husband and wife, man and woman. It is the FAMILY. Without my family, I would be nothing. And I promise you my husband feels the same way. I see the relationships we both have with our parents, our siblings, our sibling’s children…and I get overwhelmed with love and gratitude. They say when you marry somebody you marry their family…that statement? Completely true. The family is important enough…it is the most important thing to our Father in Heaven, that he has stressed to us that the family unit is eternal, celestial, and sacred. We should never take the family for granted. Families fight, argue, disagree, sometimes they don’t talk for years and hey, even some people don’t like their family. But guess what? They’re still your family. And I know that because of my family, both the Young side and the Grimm side, help make my marriage stronger, better, and happier. The never ending love and support I get from my parents, siblings, and in-laws…is a key part to the happiness to myself and my husband which, you guessed it, then transfers into the happiness in my marriage. In Genesis it says to cleave unto your spouse, which you always should, but I strongly encourage you to cleave unto your FAMILIES. Because in the eternal perspective? The family is all that matters.

I hope this helps, encourages, or brightens somebody’s day. I know I am not perfect, my marriage is not perfect, and I have a lot to work on individually. But I know this gospel is true. I know that when we take the counsel from the prophets and apostles that our lives will be richly blessed. And I encourage all of my friends and family members to do the same. So here are some adorable pictures of my family that I love so much to make you happy :)